Ok, I finally figured it out. My theory is that Fox News only exists to provide material for The Daily Show. There’s just no other plausible explanation. Case in point:

Try not to be offended.

One of my all time favorite SNL parodies and the kind of comedy I would write:

I’ve never been a fan of hers but she’s got my vote!

I don’t condone the methods of the Critical Mass Cycling Movement but everyone should see this.

The video shows the NYPD officer standing in the street as bikes ride past. He begins to slowly walk towards the street as the cyclist, Richard Vazques, approaches. Vazques veers left to avoid him, but the officer speeds up his pace and then violently knocks Vazques to the ground in front of a crowd. Vazques was arrested, held for 26 hours, and then charged with felony assault of a police officer and resisting arrest. One other cyclist was ticketed Friday night for riding outside the bike lane, which is not actually illegal and often necessary, considering how popular bike lanes are for double parking.

Nice job, Mayor Bloomberg. If so inclined, please leave a message for him at (212) 639-9675. I did.

The NYPD placed the unidentified officer on desk duty pending the outcome of a department investigation. With a little luck, he will lose his job, his car, his house and find it very difficult to find employment in the future.

And just so it is known, if I’m ever knocked off the bike like this by a cop or anyone else, I will be charged with much more than assault. I will do everything in my power to end the assailant’s life, right on the spot. Yup, I would kill a cop. In a heartbeat without any remorse.