New Job + Old Material= New Laughs
I think one of the main reasons I've moved around so much career-wise is that I constantly struggle with writing new comedic material.
During a very stressful conference call at work where one of the projects that can't fail is failing (and that I'm 100% responsible for) I uttered and very nonchalantly "It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." I'd say in a room of 20, half got the semi-obscure reference and the other half just wrote me off forever professionally.
If you've never seen Airplane, I highly recommend it. It's given me so much material over the years that I feel guilty I don't send monthly royalty checks to the Zucker brothers. I can only say that line once so I make sure it's in a very stressful situation with lots of people who are scared stiff. Sometimes it loosens everyone up and sometimes it gets me written up (as happened at AT&T Wireless) where I was forced to take a drug test that some week (I passed). It's always been a winner though.
A few of my others are:
1) "Jesus, that's more than I make in a whole week" (uttered quietly but just loud enough for someone close to me can hear after hearing a shocking dollar amount for a hardware purchase- more effective if you have lower paid subordinates around you).
2) Can we meet on Wednesday instead? I have to meet with my parole officer instead. (said in a muted tone when a boss or superior is listening a little too closely to my cell phone conversation).
3) "I haven't felt that awful since we watched that John Holmes film" (Another slightly altered line from Airplane again and uttered after I've come back from a sick day and tired of people asking me how I felt. I've never seen a John Holmes film (no, I'm not linking- google yourself...) but it always gets me some very strange looks.
Often, it's not about the material but more about the delivery. The second someone thinks your trying to be funny, you're not. And never, ever, laugh, smile or make contact after jokes like these. 90% of the joke is making people think you're serious and really like that. Seriously though, I need to get some new material...
March of the Penguins
After nearly three weeks of begging and just as I was about to just go see it myself, Amy finally agreed to go with me to see March of the Penguins. Ever since I can remember, I've always been fascinated by the tuxedo clad birds that appeared to me as if they were groovin' to some good tunes with their hands tucked in their pockets while walking.
The movie documents the annual migration of the Emperor Penguin from the Antarctic shore to the thick inland ice shelf to mate and raise their young. Typically, it's a 70 mile journey to the mating ground and is similar to the spawning of Salmon every year. But the Penguin march seem a lot more epic. First, the males and females journey 70 miles inland to mate and then hatch their eggs. Then the mothers return back to the shore (now 70-80 miles because more water has frozen), fill their bellies and make the 75 mile journey again to feed their now hatched offspring. The fathers incubate the eggs between their stomachs and feet and huddle together without food for almost 4 months straight until the mothers return with food. The fathers then journey to the see to bring back sustenance. Scientists do not know how the birds are able to navigate back to their exact birthplace year after year despite major changes in the landscape. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Some powerful scenes:
- The long, several hundred penguin queue on the initial inland journey
- The cries of joy from the males on the inital sight of the females returning from the sea with the first food for the babies
- The desperate cries of unbearable sorrow from a mother who finds her baby dead after a spring storm
- The baby Emperors huddled together without supervision during their first storm
- The eyes of the old male who just couldn't keep up, fell asleep and died
It's short but well narrated by Morgan Freeman and definitely worth watching on the big screen if you hurry.
My Favorite Movies and Why
I watched A.I. again tonight and at the end thought this had to be in my best movie of all time list. Then that got me thinking about the movies on my list and why. I think the movies I like say a lot about me so here's the list:
1) Cast Away- I was on an island. I had a Wilson. I had a Kelly. The tide brought something in. It's really hard for me to watch.
2) The Matrix- An incredible story with cool technology and cool characters. It's very immersing and I can watch it over and over and over.
3) Clue- It's so over the top stupid that I love it. I remember the first time I saw it in the theatre with my family on new year's eve in 1985. A classic.
4) Forest Gump- Completely unbelievable but a great story. If you didn't cry at the end, you're not human.
5) A.I.- It made me think about what "real" and "love" are. When the aliens find New York under ice, it made me think Spielberg stole a dream I once had.
6) Joe Vs. The Volcano- Everyone laughs when I say this but I just love it. The Waponee Woo with the orange soda addiction is a high point. It's a great feel good story.
7) Titanic- I didn't ecpect much when I went into the theatre but once it began, I forgot I was there. I've always been fascinated with the Titanic and I thought it was incredibly done. Even the love story was cool.
8) Wargames- The first thing to make me think about computers and what they could do. I really liked the NORAD scenes too.
9) American Beauty- The tagline "look closer" says it all. Great dialogue.
10) Groudhog Day- Wouldn't everybody love a day where they could do anything they wanted and wake up the next day and start all over? Another great feel good story.
There are others I really like but the above are my all time faves. Hands down. What are yours?
I slept pretty well last night but didn't get to see Amy much. I barely remember her getting ready for school and her spanish camp thing. She's speding the night with some high school students in North Bend. She won't be back until tomorrow night :( My ride today sucked. It was warm with little wind but I just couldn't find a decent tempo and my heart rate was way too high. I look forward to tomorrow.
I miss Kiersten already!
The Life of David Gale
Why did the plane cross the road?
Amy and I went to see The Life of David Gale tonight starring Kevin Spacey and Kate Winslet. I don't usually go to movies on the first weekend they come out but I thought this one looked really good and not just because Kevin Spacey was in it. It was a little over two hours but you won't notice. It's suspenseful the whole way through and the ending is more than a shocker. I so wish I could talk about it but I won't spoil the film for you. I highly recommend seeing it. Don't read about it first, just see it.
I took today off to work on fluxcapacitor.org and I feel naseous. It's weird. Evertime I take a day off, I don't feel well. Maybe withdrawl?
No word yet on Kelly's baby. When we came home from the movie, we had a message but it wasn't mom.
His Love Is Real But He Is Not
I rented A.I and watched it last night. After all the bad press and people telling me it was too long and boring, I was pleasantly surprised. Stanley Kubrick purchased the rights to Supertoys Last All Summer Long from writer Brian Aldiss in order to make it into a feature film. Unfortunately, Kubrick died in England just before filming was to begin. Why did I mention all that? Because the movie definitely had Kubrick influences. He has a different way of telling stories that I've always liked. And yes, I liked this one. Partially because it depicts the end of the human race like I envisioned it. We will one day make machines smarter than us. They will be our legacy.
The shots of Manhattan underwater were awesome. I had a dream like that once before....I liked Teddy and I thought the story was well told. It was sad. It made you feel for something that you knew was not real despite what your eyes told you. I definitely recommend it, but watch it with an open mind. I think a lot of people just didn't get it (like a lot of Kubrick's other films)- not that they weren't intelligent enough but that they just didn't want to believe.
Anyway, I should have been studying. I have an IT test tomorrow. Should be easy but I never know. I rode about 45 miles today which gives me 533 since Jan. 3rd. Way ahead of last year but behind 2001. I'm taking the next 3 days off so I don't over train.
I had some visitors yesterday and I hadn't told a soul (except Amy). So that was nice. I was waiting until I had tweaked the site before sending the link out. Thanks guys for reading.
