Rain City Story

Thumbs Down For Stupidity

Clearly, I'm not the harpest shool in the ted when it comes to personal care.

About two weeks ago while washing the dishes, I somehow managed to get a piece of food lodged under my thumbnail on my left hand. I tried to remove it when it happened but figured that since it was organic and the tips of your fingers grow constantly, it would just be ejected or phagocytized without incident. After a few days or so, the tip of my thumb became very sore, especially while making Ethernet cables for my virtual brother in law, Tony.

A week after that, my left thumb became pretty much unusable with incredible pain shooting through my body whenever it came in contact with something. Then on Tuesday at work, I noticed some pain and discoloration in my forearm and it became difficult to type at my desk. I called the doc and made and appointment with the receptionist, describing my symptoms to her. Two hours later, the actual doctor called back and demanded I show up immediately, regardless of whatever I was doing. I obeyed.

I know I have nothing on women, but Tuesday night was the most painful experience I've ever had. Despite maximum doses of monocaine and Demerol, I couldn't handle the the scalpel on my nail bed. I tried as hard as I could to remain calm and cool in front of the three women restraining me but it was too much. They were amazed that I didn't lose consciousness. I vowed to never take my opposable thumbs for granted again. After three attempts, the doctor called a hand surgeon in Seattle who advised her to stop and send me there first thing in the morning. I could tell she was relieved, I'm sure it was hard to inflict that much pain on another human. I was given yet another shot of Demerol and waited for my friend Malai to pick me up and take me home (I was so drugged that I don't remember that part and hope I didn't strip naked and sing Dancing Queen with my head out the window).

To make a long story short (too late), I got the piece of food and the abscesses removed. The surgeon was a pro, getting me completely numb and removing half my thumbnail in less than five minutes without any discomfort to me. He said that I probably had another week or so before I would have lost part of my thumb. It will be incredibly sore for the next five days and I've been given some Percocet to manage the pain which makes me incredibly groggy in the morning. Typing is a challenge.

Besides being a dude, I don't know why I put it off for so long. I think because it didn't look bad at all and I completely underestimated how many nerves you have in your fingertips. The lesson here is don't do the dishes. Give up your perfectionist and anal retentive cleaning habits and just go watch football or something.

A positive thing did come out of this though. I have a new appreciation and trust for my doctor of two years. She went above and beyond the professional call of duty this time and helped me as a human being get through that pain.