Kirby Buckingham
He was ready, we were not.
Kirby. Cubby. The Cubs. The Kirbster. Big Bidness. Big Guy. Big Twubbles. My Boy.
When the time had come for his very last car ride, he let me pick him up and carry him out to the car without even the slightest whimper (those with Bassetts know this isn't normal) and he walked casually into the veterinarian's office, even waiting patiently for me to hold the door for him. While we waited for a room, I silently wished he would become completely incapacitated or start barking at the other dogs, showing some life. Instead, he sat calmly between Amy's legs, occasionally looking at us with the eyes that won us over a little over 3 years ago.
A million thoughts raced through my head, memories of the good times we had and my thoughts on death and what happens in the end. Our only goal was to end his pain which he was clearly in. While he was walking on his own, he hadn't had a bite to eat or even a sip of water (Kirby had a serious drinking problem) and he hadn't just been himself in weeks. I spent the majority of this week lying on the floor with him (still doing my conference calls at work) and he had finally let me look into his eyes for long periods of time. I saw sweetness and pain, pain he didn't deserve.
Amy and I stayed with him while Dr. Sunderman injected a powerful sedative followed by an overdose of a narcotic. He calmly fell asleep on his side next to Amy and I on the floor. His heart stopped about 30 seconds after the narcotic was administered. No movement whatsoever. And then he was gone.
We would have done anything to make him better- any amount of money, any amount of time. He was our child. His quality of life was the most important thing however and Amy and I could not fathom dozens of trips to the vet, surgeries, medicines and immobility. The cancer was too aggressive and we were out of time. He deserved better. We rescued him from an abusive family and someone who abandoned him. Though maybe he rescued us. He gave us better days. He deserved to be free of this pain. And now he is.
Thank you so much for finding us, big guy.
Wherever it is we we pass from this physical life, I hope to see this again
September 4th, 2009 - 19:42
Kirby had such spirit and sweetness and only wanted to be loved. He will be missed as much as we loved him until we see “big twubbles” again. I like to imagine him running and barking his head off with other dogs who have passed beyond pain and illness. We were so lucky that he joined our family even for such a short time. We love you Cubby!
September 5th, 2009 - 07:55
What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful dog. My heart breaks for you. Love, Ma
September 10th, 2009 - 12:54
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my precious Basset Hound, Petunia on April 5, 2008. I also rescued her from someone that abandoned her and I had her from puppyhood till she was 9. Cancer also claimed her beautiful life. She was my husband’s fishing buddy and my heart. I miss her everyday and she is buried here by the river she loved so much. You wrote a wonderful story and I thank you for it.
September 13th, 2009 - 03:20
I watched your slide show and my heart almost burst. This dog was so loved. You keep those memories close to your heart ad you will never lose them.
You must be amazing people to go to such lengths to pay tribute to a loved one.
More people should be like you and the world would be a better place.
September 14th, 2009 - 18:56
I think it was cruel. I mean no one has the right to kill anyone. Even if its a dog. Even though that the reason was to end the PAIN. We should remember that end doesn’t justify the mean. Whatever your reason may be, it is still not justifiable to put a dog to sleep. I too is a dag lover. I wont allow my dog to die in the hands of anyone especially with my CONSENT. I’d rather allow him to die with natural death as what God wanted it to be.
September 14th, 2009 - 21:22
I just stumbled upon this site and your story of Kirby was truly touching!! I can completely tell you 2 loved him dearly! I am so sorry for your loss! Your slide show was also amazing, Elsie is right, you are amazing people to go to such length to pay tribute to him.
And such amazing people are the ones I some day hope to be like. Good luck with the last leg of the pregnancy, I know your child will be in great hands!
September 14th, 2009 - 22:35
Hi Reighnee and thanks for your comment on my blog.
I have to disagree with you though as I can’t imagine that having him suffer would be less cruel than putting him to sleep peacefully. He was in terrible, terrible pain and the doctor said he would only get more sick and it was the right thing to do (even though she stated she was a devout Christian, she begged us to relieve him). Our dogs are our babies, we give them the best possible life and we would have spared any expense to make him better. Even though we felt it was the right thing to do, it was an incredibly difficult, heart wrenching experience.
I take it you’ve never had a dog, child or parent that you’ve had to watch suffer.
And who is to say that God did not want to put him to sleep? Maybe it was the natural course and his plan. Maybe I was there to save him. I can’t possibly claim to know what he wanted so I could only do whatever I could to end the poor guy’s suffering. He deserved better than that.
September 15th, 2009 - 06:36
very sweet dog, and very responsible caretaker who knows when enough is enough and pain is useless. it was great of you to be able to do the right thing for your belowed, sweet, cute dog.
September 15th, 2009 - 07:05
I, too, stumbled upon your site and was touched by your beautiful memorial for Kirby. I’m truly sorry for your loss.
September 16th, 2009 - 08:18
As I watched Kirby and read your story it brought tears to my eyes. He looked very happy and content at his last years with you.
I had to put my Nicki to sleep after 13 years and it was the hardest thing for me to do. I tried to keep him with me but the time came and nicki let me know it was time. I held him when he went to sleep. That was 2 years ago and he is still greatly missed.
I found a video on you tube about pets that have passed and although I cry everytime I see it, it does help.
If you would like me to email you a copy send me you email.
My email is froggy11@ptd.net.{we used to call Nicki Froggy}
September 20th, 2009 - 11:00
An incorrect link; brought me here! I KNOW your pain and sorrow. The love you have for your pets is evident. Two of my favorite things – Dogs, and Izzy…. We are a family of Labs and too had to confront the SAME scenario. Pet Lovers (not necc owners) and Pet Lovers alone can only know what you are going through and understand your reasoning. Blue was our first to be “let go” due to cancer at the age of 12 – which has already been over 15+ years and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him, Stetson, and Grunt that had to leave us. We now have 2 wonderful Labs (of course) who seem to channel pets of the past – so carry on – and know that there are so many people who fell for you… Keep the love alive!
September 24th, 2009 - 07:05
We lost our Max almost 10 years ago now. His registered name was “Max you S.O.B.” because even from puppy-hood he was always finding ways to reach things that no one thought he could! He was an 85lb. basset who was always tripping on his ears while chasing deer down in the hill country. His last hours here sounded a lot like your Kirby’s. He was hurting and ready to be done.
I still miss his drooly face and “ooofing” around. I’m so sorry for your loss and believe you will see him again!
September 25th, 2009 - 07:24
I’m absolutely tearing up over your loss and the beauty of the love you have for your “canine children”. I had to put one of my late dogs to sleep and another one passed without aid. I want to thank you for sharing your story. We have two male siblings now that are 2 1/2 – known as “our boys”. We dog lovers are a “breed” all our own too.
September 25th, 2009 - 08:15
Dearest Michael,
I fell upon your website purely by chance (if that’s possible)only to be amazed at the love you felt for your sweet puppy, Kirby. As many other lucky pet owners I too had a Bassett Hound, “Sam” (Samantha) who was the most lovable, sweet natured dog. After many years of suffering a skin allergy from dirt of all things and my giving her weekly injections of allergy medicine we decided as a family to also put her out of her agony. My father let me make the decision and he brought her to the vet. I’d never seen my father so emotionally upset when he returned home.
I lost my father July 13th and know in my heart that he is with Sam and the other pets we’ve had. This life is just a transition into a bigger more wonderful existence. I truly believe that now.
You did the right thing for Kirby and your family in letting her go to rest.
Warmest regards,
Suz
September 26th, 2009 - 12:52
Hope Blueberry and Mom made it OK. Congratulations for that but this is really about Kirby Buckingham. I watched as much of the video as I could, but was starting to tear up. We have cats, not doggies, but the feelings are the same. I did what you did with Puff, a nice, pitchblack cat, who had feline lukemia. He was in pain so we did it, but I said never again unless they were really hurting. We cried and cried. So ever since then all of ours have passed away peacefully at home – The Worm lay down in tha grass in the back yard, Chelsie under the piano, Felix in his favorite bed, Bitsie under the living room table when we were at Uncle Leo’s farm after Hurricane Katrina, and Tom in his favorite place on the couch.
We know what you felt, and just typing this has me crying.
Jim Doles
September 27th, 2009 - 06:10
Kirby was blessed to be so loved.
What a heartbreak and an absolutely beautiful tribute to Kirby. As a cat owner I have had to make that final journey with my friends. It never gets easier and each time I think I can never do it again………..until I am called upon to rescue another new soft friend. I wish you well, I wish you peace.
PS – What is the music you used on Kirby’s video “somewhere over the rainbow?” I loved it.
Thanks
September 27th, 2009 - 23:10
I just accidentally came to your site and saw this post. It was so touching and I feel really sorry for your loss.
You are such a great person to put a tribute like this. Your puppy is so adorable.
I do not know much about puppies but I like to know what is the kind of your puppy. :)
/Chinthaka
September 28th, 2009 - 08:16
What a beautiful tribute to your Kirby–it brought tears and my own heartache that goes along with having to have had a pet dog euthanized. It is such a hard decision but the right decision and the right thing to do. No pet (or human) deserves to have to go through all that suffering. I am so sorry for your loss.
September 29th, 2009 - 07:54
Hi Michael…I as well stumbled upon your website today and am sitting here at work crying my eyes out watching your video. I am so sorry for your loss.
I have had dogs all my life and my husband and I currently have a Boston Terrier and a Pug who are both “middle-aged”. We play with them as much as possible, take them everywhere w/ us, and cuddle with them in our bed every night. They are our children too as Kirby was yours.
I know that he is looking down upon your family and is thankful for the wonderful life you gave him. Take care of yourself!
~ Patty
September 29th, 2009 - 08:00
I too have just visted your site (via a fun fwd email of a puppy licking a screen!) and having laughed out loud at the screen cleaning , I now find myself almost in tears after reading about your dear Kirby.
A friend of my husband has just named his little jack russell pup Kirby and apparently he is utterly adorable- so the name and personality lives on!
Hope the birth has gone well and brought you lots of love at this time.
best wishes from a grey Swansea,
Liss
September 30th, 2009 - 22:15
Another response from a stranger, but if anything that should show that your dog was a special being. I came across this b/c of a link on my canine epilepsy listserv. I worry daily about losing my dog to epilepsy, and know what it is like to watch animals suffer. The decision to put my cat to sleep due to horrible respiratory disease was one of the hardest moments of my life. I was the last thing he saw before he died. I could not believe it possible, but I am even closer to my dog. I truly feel your pain and, even as an Agnostic, I say, wholeheartedly, “If there is no heaven for dogs, then I want to go where they go.”
May you find your friend again someday.
October 2nd, 2009 - 13:53
I, too, stumbled upon your website by accident. As an animal lover, your story drew me in. Having had the same experience too many times in my 57 year of life, and dreading it more and more with each animal/child who finds/adopts me, I was brought to tears. The background choice of music helped…very beautiful, and very sad.
October 2nd, 2009 - 14:56
I am sorry to hear about this. I have lost a few friends, all of them before their times. Regardless of the steps that you or anybody else takes with their pets/family members, it’s a very personal trip, and I thank you for sharing it.
October 5th, 2009 - 16:25
My brother had a basset named Mija. She lost her life to cancer that like Kirby, was very aggressive. While living with him, I went on travel for only 22 days. When I left, she and I were as playful as ever. When I came back, she was ridden with the disease. She only lived another three weeks. My brother was trying to decide whether or not to put her down and she made up his mind for him. I had given her a bath for she had piddled herself and put her on her blanket by the front door. I left for work and about two hours later when my brother got home, she had passed. It was one of the saddest days of my life. I miss her every day. I have two bassets myself and worry each day about when their time will come. Thank you for your tribute to a wonderful family member!
October 8th, 2009 - 15:41
I’m another website stumbler and so grateful for it.
I know your pain, and love for your little friends. I’ve had to go through the same thing with my dachshunds, and still remember the tearful goodbyes. I know they are loved even more, but will always dream about them and miss them.
Thanks for your wonderful tribute.
October 15th, 2009 - 03:00
There is a special place in Hell for people who abuse animals. May whatever God you believe in rest his little soul!
October 28th, 2009 - 22:25
In response to Peg –
Music is by IZ – Hawaiian musician, now diseased. I have CD – nice eh?
November 9th, 2009 - 16:10
I stumbled upon your tribute to Kirby and you’ve taken my heart and ground it into a big mush ball of tears. I haven’t cried like this in years. It brought me back to all of my own wonderful dogs that we’ve had to take to the vet for the same thing over the years, but especially to my deceased father’s last dog, Bonnie. My father past away about 5 years ago but Bonnie hung in there with my mother until this summer. She looked exactly like Kirby. And she loved my dad, (also my mom), so so much.
Of course, your choice of music couldn’t have been better. And you have so many lovely pictures to remember your loved ones with.
My list of blessed friends include Dakota, Timber, Sootie, Dandy, Reba, Fluufy, Serena and many more.
Your tribute made me remember to take more time with my current best friends, Lilly and Milo. Thanks for a beatiful job and also thank you for the Doggy in inside the computer video, which a friend sent me. That is what brought me to your site.
November 10th, 2009 - 08:48
I just watched and read the tribute to Kirby. I too was not ready for the ride on oct 18 when we went to the vet with our boy. I am sorry for your loss. He was blessed and you will forever have his love. you are in my thoughts and prayers I’m crying now. God Bless
November 10th, 2009 - 17:15
I just came to your site and read about Kirby. My husband and I had, pretty much, the same experience with our doggie-child, Ribbons. She had a horrible cancer and I held her in my arms until she was gone. She was our best friend for 15 years and, on 10/01/2007, we had to let her move on. We still speak of her daily. We are blessed to still have our other doggie, Tippy-Pearl, who is almost 11 but we will never forget Ribbons and all the love she gave us. We’re better people for having known and loved her.
November 13th, 2009 - 13:08
How fortunate you were to have had time with each other. Beautifully done. So very painful. I understand…
November 17th, 2009 - 10:43
My sympathy on your loss. It’s heartbreaking.
Having grown up with Bassetts I know how much fun they can be. The running, the howling, and oh yes, the drool. They’re loveable clowns and ours were like an old married couple by the time their time with us ended. Boswell & Geraldine, we miss you.
December 5th, 2009 - 20:14
I read the sad story about Kirby. Iam really sorry for your lost. My dad and I had to put our dog Sydney of 14 years down on May of 2008. It was a hard task but we had to do it. It is more cruel to keep them alive.
December 8th, 2009 - 08:19
I too am crying for your loss but need to say thanks for sharing.
I too have had to have a loved dog’s life and it is an extremely disturbing thing.
I applaud your claim that expense was not the problem. It was with me and I feel lessened by that.
Thanks to Michael for that well reasoned response.
December 12th, 2009 - 07:00
Oh mercy. I found your beautiful goodbye to Kirby by accident. We just lost Lucy a pit bull & bassett mix. She was living out in the fields on her own when for a couple of weeks until I finally coaxed her home with us. Loved seeing Kirby because the body reminded me of Lucy! She had a hidden heart defect that we didn’t know about. Hopefully Luc & Kirby are playing over on “The Rainbow Bridge”! Take care and keep loving the “little ones”.
December 14th, 2009 - 06:12
I got here by accident. It’s none of my business. I just wanted to say that I think you did the right thing. It’s a terrible decision to have to make, to end the life of a creature in your care, your friend, but it was the brave and moral thing to do. How cruel it would be to have the poor animal suffer on. These so-called Christians commenting here don’t really understand the true gentleness of what you did, nor do they understand how cruel and heartless their own words are. Shame on them.
December 20th, 2009 - 07:45
I got here by accident also. I had a German Shepard I had to put him to sleep after 10 years. That Brought Tears to my eyes and still does, Ant the top video and story did the same and I am 50. Sorry bout ur loss bud. But another dog will appear somewhere just like the one you had. Yu’ll see. I thought it was bull and it took a while, but 1 just strayed here one day and just bout like my ole buddy Dew we called him.
December 21st, 2009 - 13:55
I came across your blog and I´m from Jokkmokk, Sweden. I hope you´ll understand my english cause it´s not so good :)
I was really touched of you and Kirbys story.. I think what you´ve done to that dog is amazing!
Kirbys story made me think of our dog Ruffa. She was really something special for me. I loved that dog so much and as i understand you felt the same way about Kirby.
We got her from my granfather who had her for only a week, it was a man and a woman who had her before and Ruffa was cowardly and frightned. She coulnd´t walk in a leash, she had a stranglenecklace whit spikes and she had a big scar over her back, luckily it was covered by her fur. She was two years old when we got her. After a few years she was a different dog, always in a good mood and very cind. When the old owners came on the wintermarket she ran under the bad and refused to come out, she lay there until they left. When she was eight years old she got ill, really ill.. and we hade to let her pain stop cause shw couldn´t eat, drink and her body were so weak.. When we in the diningtable she looked right into our eyes and it was like she told us that her time was over… That was the so hard and even if it was years ago it still hurt me.
I understand how you feel about Kirby and I understand how hard it is. And one more time, i really admire peole like you, we need more of you in this world!
December 21st, 2009 - 14:04
and very good written also. And bautiful pictures!
Rest in peace Kirby!
December 23rd, 2009 - 08:25
Michael I hope you get this, my page isn’t displaying correctly. You DID do the best thing that you could for your Kirby, that was to send him on his final journey over the Bridge. He is there now running free waiting for the day you join him. It is our last loving thing that we can do for our beloved animals, is release them from their pain here on earth. Hugs and kisses for your bravery.
Lori
January 1st, 2010 - 17:03
Dude,
I dont even know you, and I only found your site connected to a silly dog licking thing that made its way to me, but I wanted to say how touched I was by your relationshipwith Kirby. Wow… I’m not even that kind of guy but it gave me a new appreciation for my canine friends. I imagine I’ll have to endure this someday too. Thanks for helping me even now.
Some guy in New Jersey
January 2nd, 2010 - 20:48
Wow, Another stumbler here. Sounds like a bunch of drunks keep finding your incredible story. I share your pain with the loss of my Kahla. She lived until she was 15 and then passed with her head in a bag of cheetoes left in the yard. Sounds silly but she loved cheese so much she would hyper-ventilate. I was always there to rub her tummy to make it stop, except for this time. LOVE, Peace and GOD’s prayers be with you and your beautiful new baby.
Jeremy L. Meyer
Broomfield, Colorado
January 3rd, 2010 - 15:11
Your website is really nice! I cried when I saw the pictures of your dogs flipping to the sound of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. That’s such a pretty song, and it goes perfectly for the occassion of the loss of your dog. Happy New Year!
January 3rd, 2010 - 20:03
My golden retriever got put down yesterday, he had hip displacement, and it got to a point to where he could not get up. he lived a long happy life, i also like to remember him as running with my Border collie, who also passed away on the 23rd of December 3 years ago. this is a very hard time for all of us, he was my best friend, but he is in a better place now, he will be loved.
January 3rd, 2010 - 20:26
Serina, I’m sorry to hear about your loss to and thank you for sharing.
January 5th, 2010 - 22:28
I’m very sorry for your loss. I know personally the void losing a cherished pet leaves, especially a rescue pet, they seem to be so much more loving to people who actually love them. I rescued a pug at 6 months and had to have her put down at 15 years due to uncontrollable diabetes. I cried for days and still think of her daily and she has been gone for more than five years now. My children still remember her in their prayers. I can tell that you loved Kirby as much as we loved Rockie-Sue and can tell you that he will always be in your heart. You will have wonderful stories to share with that beautiful baby girl when she is old enough to share all the pictures and memories of Kirby. He will never truly leave you for he will always live in your heart.
January 5th, 2010 - 23:13
Thank you Dee.
January 6th, 2010 - 07:33
You ass! You made me cry at work, your tribute was so beautiful. I am a huge animal lover and what you did wasn’t easy by a long shot, but was the right thing to so. The IZ song expecially hit me as it was the first song played at my best friend’s mother’s memorial….very touching.
January 7th, 2010 - 17:04
The tribute film was wonderful but I really got a kick out of the video of Kirby in his snow boots. What a sweet, funny memory.
January 7th, 2010 - 20:49
Kirby will waiting for you in heaven. I too a a dog lover & not sure how I stumbled on your blog, but this is so sweet. I’m sure Kirby is playing with my German Shepherd & waiting for us! God bless you from South Carolina.