How I Pick Up Women

I saw this on a forum today from a link on babycenter.com and was appalled to see another guy using my patented technique for picking up women.

2012 Vance Creek Road Race 5-5-2012

After a fun and rather successful race the previous weekend in Brady at the Olympic View Road Race, I was happy to make the 90 minute drive down to the Satsop Development Park (mothballed nuclear plant) for a slightly longer and hillier Vance Creek Category 3 road race. 

The previous week's race was held under overcast skies and was fairly cool, but dry.  I could tell by my windshield that we weren't going to be as lucky this weekend.  In addition to the rain, it was about 5-7 degrees cooler.

The course consisted of six 13.25 mile loops that started in the parking lot of the plant, descended down into some narrow farm roads in the valley and climbed back up.  I'd never ridden the course so I planned on becoming as familiar as possible during the first lap.

The Start:

With Two minutes to go, I heard the USAC Referee announce that the website was wrong and that jersey bib numbers should be on the right instead of left.  Normally this would not be a problem since I would have numbers pinned to both sides but I only got one jersey number in the mail from WSBA.  I asked other racers but nobody was willing to fix my number and there was no way I could pull my jersey off and do it in time.  A woman from a rival team handing out water bottles graciously offered to do the laborious task.  She said "done" the same second as the whistle blew.  Saved.

Laps 1-3:

After a 200 meter neutral zone, the race descenden and then climbed a short hill before making a sharp right sending us down into the valley.  The rain started coming down heavily on the descent and 60 nervous riders fought for position.  I wasn't entirely sure what the rush was but didn't know how narrow the farm roads would be.

I kept my position (about 20th) as we entered the crappy farm roads and saw three signs: "No Shoulder," "Fresh Oil" and "Motorcycles Use Extreme Caution."  Just about the three worst road signs (ok, maybe "Bridge Out Ahead") for a bike race.  About 6 km into the race, a guy next to me rode of the rode, tried to over correct to get back on and T-BONED me in the right leg (bizarre visual, I know).  I somehow managed to stay upright but he pushed me over and I took out everyone to my left.  The sound behind me was frightening but I did not look back.  Eyes forward with a note to self to stay in the middle of the road as much as possible.  The weather was weird, it was a complete downpour in the valley but dry and sunny on the park side (not for long).

Shortly before turning off the farm road, the first break was established and my teammate Martin got in it.  A group of six and they made an incredibly violent effort to get a way as we were rolling at 51 kph when they went.  After they were gone though, we all breathed a sigh of relief and shut it down to about 39-40 kph.  Now it was just a matter of staying in the first 10-15 riders, avoid doing any work and keep fueled.

Lap two was easy and the break got a mximum of 1:49 on us.  At the top of the hill on the second lap, Bikesale.com put four riders at the front to reel in the escapees.  The effort was impressive and I had to dig deep for the first time on the descent to stay near the front.  There were a few times I was asked to lead the chase but as I had a teammate ahead, I just smiled and rolled off.  Once we hit the flats, the chasers pushed the pace and I saw 400+ watts every time I dared to look down at my Garmin.  Lap 3 was going to be fun.  Once we hit the climb, the break was in sight and we the pace eased.  We were gaining 10-15 seconds each kilometer and even more than that on the climb.  We caught the group shortly after the cresting the finish hill with two laps to go.

Laps 4 and 5

With the entire group together for the first time in 80 km, the pace slowed dramatically and I waited for the next break to go, keeping myself in a strong position to jump on one should it materialize even though I thought it was still too early.  I've done enough of these hilly circuit races to know that it almost always comes down to the last 2 kilometers and breaks never stay away.

Lap four was by far the easiest with only a guy from Starbucks and Apex getting away and then only for a couple of kilometers.  Now was the time to scarf down two gels and a good amount of water.  Some sketchiness on the farm roads made me drop a gel but despite the rain and crappy roads, was pretty easy.  The rain was torrential at times and everyone was completely soaked.  Cooler heads prevailed and we cornered farily conservatively.

Final Lap

At the top of the finish hill on the bell lap, a guy from Apex gave it a futile go but did quite a bit of damage to the weaker riders who just went full gas to get up with the group.  I was happy for this because the thinner the group was, the safer it would be once we were funneled onto the narrow roads for the final time. 

Curiously, the pace was slow on the descent and into the valley and I started to daydream about things completely unrelated to cycling. Even the acceleration violence of the right turn onto the main road failed to shake my reverie.

With 4 km to go, riders started positioning themselves for the final sprint up the hill.  I was semi-involved and only operating instinctually, still thinking about other crap.  The first set of rollers kept everyone in the same position and it was at the bottom of the first big gain that I realized I was in about 40th.  Suddenly my mind snapped back and I shifted back into the big ring and seized about 10 spots through a gap that had just opened up.  A guy from Apex (I think) went to my left, passing everyone and it was on.  

Final Kilometer

I was now in about 25 and fairly boxed.  The guy immediately in front of me blew but thankfully veered to his right when I luckily went left.  A had some space and it was time to lay it all out.  The grade was only about 8% but we were going into a fairly strong headwind.  This was bad for the guys in front and I quickly moved up about 15 places.  One final anaerobic push and I was done.  I was gaining but the race ended about 150 meters before I needed it to.  I got 13th, with my previously mentioned teammate Martin securing 8th.

Race Data:

Date: Saturday May 5th 2012
Location: Brady, WA
Start Time: 1:25 pm PT 
Category: Men's 3
Distance: 123.0 kilometers / 76.43 miles
Elevation Gain: 843 meters / 2,772 feet
Time: 3 hours, 11 minutes, 7 seconds
Average power:  232 watts (284 NP)
Energy:  2,665 kilojoules / 2,971 calories 

Hungry Hungry Hippos

It has begun:

Natalie's First Year

A little video I made celerbrating Natalie's first birthday.

Natalie On Her Exercise Ball at 7 Months